Melancholy & Missing Lighters

 Looks like I totally forgot to make a blog post about the third dance video I've uploaded. To be fair, I've been wanting to drop off the face of the earth, so haven't really been feeling up to maintaining everything. Anyhow, here's a quick little update: We left my relatives' place and hit the road again. Attempted to hop into New York, only to mistakenly catch a local that dropped us off almost thirty miles away from where we'd caught it. Since then (about maybe five days ago), we've been sleeping in a bush hoping the world would just explode. Electronics are losing juice, we're down to eating two packs of ramen a day, two weeks of rain are about to hit practically everywhere, and I'm still a healthy functioning body that won't do me the mercy of shutting down in my sleep. Honestly, I'm not doing well. I don't know how I'll ever be able to feel well again. Functioning is too much of an effort and the United States are real big on in...

Today, I have posted my second YouTube and dance video. It's a bittersweet feeling. In the video, I'm dancing to "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron. I've cried to the song numerous times, thinking about Brown Butter. I'd even started dancing to it while crying. So, I made a video dancing to it. It's a truly vulnerable video for me. The quality may be a bit grainy, but my tears were certainly pouring out as I danced. I'm vulnerable, and the dancing is sloppy (for multiple reasons). However, my grief is something I want to share. I feel as though that's common amongst humans. We want to share our grief, anger, joy, and every other emotion with other people. I have my issues with social media and what the internet as a whole has become, but, with how disconnected we've become, I'm grateful to at least have some connection through the internet. Even when nobody sees what I post, it still feels nice to get it out there. Since that first week witho...

I've been avoiding... Well, I've been avoiding just about everything. However, I've had almost an aversion to posting on my blog. I don't want much to do with Instagram either. I think it feels too lonely. YouTube, on the other hand, somehow, it manages to actually make me feel more connected to others.  Admittedly, ever since I lost Brutter, I've found myself, for the first time in my life, scared to be alone. I cannot even begin to express how deeply grateful I am to have someone like my road dog in my life. He's the first person who has ever truly understood how I feel and think. On top of that, he doesn't leave me, no matter how difficult our situation gets. He may not be the most perceptive when it comes to reading a room, but he still puts in so much effort to take care of others, including myself. I just don't really know how I would cope without him. Throughout my life, I've often felt the world to be empty and hopeless. Yet, I'd always h...