To Be or Not to Be a Human Being

 

I've spent most of my life dreaming.

Two decades of my life had been dedicated to trying to escape humanity, and to be free of the physical realm. My bedroom was my whole world, which only really grew in the night, when I could comfortably slip away to wander the streets.

It was hard for me to imagine being able to connect with other human beings. When I did, I was merely entertaining fantasies of the stories which had filled my every waking hour. I was certain that it was only a matter of time before my dreams would steal me away.

I was certain that someday, otherworldly beings would bleed from my mind and pull me out of this alien place. Someday, I thought, I would be welcomed by the creatures of whom I must have truly belonged to. Like a changeling of Irish tales.

But eighteen years rolled around, and nothing changed. I could still feel a call in my mind gnawing away. Yet, what could I do when the weight of human expectations were piling up? Long overdue, neither faeries nor demons had come to liberate me from this humanity.

Eventually, I'd decided to seek the spirits out myself. Surely, they must be locked away in the mountains or lost at sea. So, I packed a bag and ran. No car, no license and little money saved up, I hitched. It didn't take long before I fell into a new world, different, but still human nonetheless. 

I found a sense of familiarity amongst travellers. A strange epiphany that has somehow alluded me, yet had always been there in the back of my mind.

Who knew I could escape credit scores, being tethered to a job, bills and hollow relations? Who knew I could survive on the outskirts of society? Who knew that I was capable of feeling human?

These people, my people, on the brink of surrender, yet so full of rebellion. A fire extending to more than just travellers, I've found in my travels.

There's a world beyond the one we're sold. One that I finally wish to know. For a change, I dream of being human, and long to know the human being. 

Nowadays, I'm not as reluctant to reach out, because you may just find others who'll meet you halfway. The connection, when found, is sacred. It is the home I've found, the moment in which the gods certainly do dwell. But I've learned that you have to be willing to make that trek towards being human.