"I'm Leaving This Country"

 "I'm leaving this country."

As a so-called American, that's a statement I've often heard growing up and hear even more now in light of the recent political climate.

I myself had grown up wishing to move to a different country. I fantasized about faraway lands cloaked in mist and mystery to me. Maybe somewhere in Europe. Maybe the British Isles. Maybe Russia. But for the entirety of my teenage existence, my heart had been set on South Korea.

I studied hard, planning on applying to a Korean University. I continued to study, even after I dropped out of highschool. I continued to study, even as I failed multiple job interviews and realized it would take years of tirelessly working to maybe meet the required minimum of $15,000 in my bank account. I continued to study, even when I ran away from home and started living on the streets.

I haven't studied since a traumatic incident last August. But even before then, I was slowly moving my attention towards other interests. I'd given up on ever setting foot in Korea years ago, but I still studied other foreign languages in the hopes of traveling internationally. Yet, over the past two years, I've found myself feeling less interested in going to foreign countries. Really I only have an interest in going back to Canada or visiting Mexico for the first time. But even then, I don't feel much pull to leave the States. I have people here who I love, the non-human people too.

I grew up running barefoot over beds of pine needles, sandy beaches, and through muddy swamps. I was raised listening to the whispered songs of the oak trees as I laid upon their branches. The bellowing of gators in the warm summer nights taught me to sing. The coos of mourning doves at dawn taught me to hope. The ocean waves lunging and crashing on shore taught me to dance. The dandelions taught me to survive.

I was born here. The ones who I have known and loved, their remains now mingle with the dirt of this land. I belong to this land. I can't imagine leaving it. I can't imagine separating myself from her suffering, as colonization and greed tears her apart.

Not to mention, I don't want to leave only to have to adapt to another government's demands. Another government, another country that has and continues to decimate their own land. Few places have evaded the chokehold of colonization. Even if they found liberation, the effects of such a trauma continues to linger.

No. While I wish the best for others elsewhere as they fight similar battles, my fight is here. Here I will stand, here I will die, and here I will someday return to the earth.